To live like never before, I realized I had to "do" things like never before. It's not enough to put a band-aid on a broken heart or mask anger with a smile. The smile has to come from the inside or the intentions will fade. There is this cycle that women tend to follow as they blame others (especially) men for breaking their hearts.
ie. We fall in love with a man; the relationship ends badly. Depending on the reason for the break-up, many women struggle with clinical depression. But dress it up with make-up, a new dress and maybe even a "new" man. Especially if a "man" comes along with a temporary fix for her ego/self-esteem.
This pattern is so unhealthy. When women turn to God for healing and comfort; God answers with healing and comfort. Here's the challenge that I not only faced, but I over came and grew through it. The light of God had me shining inside out through my journey in the wilderness. The more men were attracted to me, the closer I clung to God! Men have asked me, "how do I maintain celibacy" with such a peaceful spirit? Some men have even challenged me to be lying! However, my mind was made up. In praying for healing and comfort, I prayed that God would not only prepare me to be a wife. But that God would prepare me to be a wife to the husband that God designed just for me and I for him. In order for this blessing to come as God intends; I have to follow instructions. When I wrote "Beloved" I was crying out for God to give me comfort; I DIDNOT feel loved. The only thing I heard the voice say was, "your husband will know you by your love for ME." As those words were whispering in my ear, I felt loving arms embrace me with such warmth; that I experienced tears of joy for the FIRST time ever in my life! As women, we can't just pray. We must be still and listen. The answer sounds or looks nothing like we know. We must remain open to experience "something different." For me; "something" different is experiencing a man's soul before I ever see his face or hear his voice. And THAT'S why it's so important to draw even closer to God if it even "feels" like him. Make him reach God if he wants to reach you! This will save you SO much heartache in the future. Because if he can't reach God, he's not the man for you.
I didn't completely understanding those instructions at that time. However in this time, I OVER-stand! To receive a love like never before; you must give love like never before. Unconditionally, not expecting, only wanting to give. Today, I am open and ready to finally receive love, the right way. God's way. Not afraid to try his heart with God or to take the matters of his soul to God. After all, I am the prize. I am Queen. I am love...................
