There is an angry generation of youth roaming these urban streets. Their anger and bitterness was seeded, processed and developed in the "womb." By the time my son was 14; he had done any and everything but come right out and ask me to kill his tail! And on a few occasions, I was very much tempted to take him out of his misery. Today, we sit and laugh about those times as I share with him the reasons that my "own" mother threatened to take me out of MY misery. It would be easy and justified, to blame his absent father on many of the occasions. However, only "I" am the influence that raised him; which was a blessing in disguise. Nope, I never received a dollar in child support. At age 6 his father brought me $200. on his way to the airport; headed to ATL to get his life 'straight'. Was I angry about no financial support? NOPE. Was I angry about his absence? NOPE. How could I be angry, when I put the cart before the horse and got pregnant before marriage? How could I be bitter about his absence when he never kept a job? How could I be angry about him not spending time with my son when every time he went into drug re-hab; not many days passed before he was getting high again? The things I've mentioned are not to 'dog' his father, but rather to open some of these angry bitter women's eyes.
First of all, suing for child support also brings visitation rights by law. Now, what would I do if my child grew into an angry young man whose father's example he followed? My heart would have broken if my child had turned into a 'petty' street hustler that got hooked on his own product. Because had his father been given access to his mind; my child would be a thug! ~realtalk~ My genetic make-up combined with his father's genetic make-up is the very reason at age 21 my foot is still up his tail! Instead of being angry and bitter with the happenings; seek God for the reasons of the 'happenings'.
There is no need to 'dog' the father to the child or encourage the child to curse themselves by disrespecting the father. My son and I are living witnesses that the 'source' provides all of your needs whether you deserve it or not. What I have always taught and encouraged my son was to pray for his father. See him even if you don't want to. You never want him to leave this earth and your last memory being NOT seeing him the last time that he tried.
During my 3rd month of pregnancy; I embraced the fact that I would be a single mother. Being an artist that loves all music; my clients enjoyed smooth jazz as I worked from home. The blessing was being able to cook all of my meals and schedule my naps lmbo! When my son was about 13, he surprised me and sang "Unforgettable" in a school talent show. I thank God for giving me the wisdom to embrace beautiful music and great books instead of being a pregnant bitter woman.
Growing out of the wilderness feels like natural child birth magnified. Only there's no flesh involved; it all takes place in the spirit and the mind.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
What is your thought process?
So many people fear love because of past broken hearts. Sending me into my wilderness was watching my daughter take her last breath after birthing her home alone. The man I loved with my heart and soul couldn't take me to the hospital because he was someplace "sexing" my friend. Birthing through the wilderness, darkness gave me comfort as I began to grow into the light. 10yrs later I finally feel free to love. The past will not control my future. If I can love again, anybody can. Trust and see, it's a beautiful space to be in love with self again!
Some of us have a sense of pride that forces us into this place; our pride won't even allow us to admit to ourselves that correction is needed. Some of us have lived in a certain state of mind that has passed down from generation to generation; and they don't believe that there's anything wrong with their thinking process. As I've been challenged on more than one occasion because of my labeling folks as "scripture quoter's"; it is proven through lack of submission that I'm basically on point.
(i.e. Ro. 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...............) How many times have you heard someone quote this scripture? I've heard it so many times I could scream! Especially when it comes out of the mouth of a person that continues to do the same thing, the same way; only adding a new scripture along the way.
There's a place in the love center of our brains that remains in darkness until we go inside and breathe light(truth). Each day in my own meditations, I'm exposed to yet another dark corner that has not been exposed to light. Considering the power and total capacity of the entire brain, this no longer surprises me. Why not? Because I over stand that I am a genetic being evolved from ancestors that made it to this place through the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Even the pain from relationships in just the past 5 years have a in-direct connection to one of my ancestors. My mind sometimes thinks very deep, so I'll get back to my train of thought.
As human beings, we are designed to be forever evolving, inside out. From the organs inside of our body's to the hair, skin and nails outside of our bodies. This process involves constant purging. Unless your life has been peaches and cream from the time you exited the birth canal, to where you stand as an adult today. There will be many times and opportunities for you to purge and renew your mind. The key is not to fight the process. Embrace it freely and celebrate the ugliest and most painful energies that come to the surface. This allows correction and restoration to the mind and heart. Hiding in the midst of denial only pushes those issues deeper into the darkness of the love center in your brain. If the power of love is shadowed or even covered with the darkness of our issues; even our words of love will be diluted and will give the tell-tell signs.
The first revelation I received walking into my wilderness was that I had been taught a boat load of lies while living in the midst of a boat load of hypocrites. This brought me my first and most powerful breakthrough into accepting the light. I was shown that the truth would visit me in the wee hours of the night; slicing and dicing through my heart; removing lies, filth and sorrow. After all, if a building burns down, we must clean the trash and rubble before we can build again. Today I challenge you; when the "trash and rubble" from life begin to breakthrough, don't fight to keep it or pick it up to re-install it. Sift through thoroughly in a determined, focused search for the lessons, blessings and those things that can be corrected and restored and let the rest of the garbage go!
Some of us have a sense of pride that forces us into this place; our pride won't even allow us to admit to ourselves that correction is needed. Some of us have lived in a certain state of mind that has passed down from generation to generation; and they don't believe that there's anything wrong with their thinking process. As I've been challenged on more than one occasion because of my labeling folks as "scripture quoter's"; it is proven through lack of submission that I'm basically on point.
(i.e. Ro. 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...............) How many times have you heard someone quote this scripture? I've heard it so many times I could scream! Especially when it comes out of the mouth of a person that continues to do the same thing, the same way; only adding a new scripture along the way.
There's a place in the love center of our brains that remains in darkness until we go inside and breathe light(truth). Each day in my own meditations, I'm exposed to yet another dark corner that has not been exposed to light. Considering the power and total capacity of the entire brain, this no longer surprises me. Why not? Because I over stand that I am a genetic being evolved from ancestors that made it to this place through the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Even the pain from relationships in just the past 5 years have a in-direct connection to one of my ancestors. My mind sometimes thinks very deep, so I'll get back to my train of thought.
As human beings, we are designed to be forever evolving, inside out. From the organs inside of our body's to the hair, skin and nails outside of our bodies. This process involves constant purging. Unless your life has been peaches and cream from the time you exited the birth canal, to where you stand as an adult today. There will be many times and opportunities for you to purge and renew your mind. The key is not to fight the process. Embrace it freely and celebrate the ugliest and most painful energies that come to the surface. This allows correction and restoration to the mind and heart. Hiding in the midst of denial only pushes those issues deeper into the darkness of the love center in your brain. If the power of love is shadowed or even covered with the darkness of our issues; even our words of love will be diluted and will give the tell-tell signs.
The first revelation I received walking into my wilderness was that I had been taught a boat load of lies while living in the midst of a boat load of hypocrites. This brought me my first and most powerful breakthrough into accepting the light. I was shown that the truth would visit me in the wee hours of the night; slicing and dicing through my heart; removing lies, filth and sorrow. After all, if a building burns down, we must clean the trash and rubble before we can build again. Today I challenge you; when the "trash and rubble" from life begin to breakthrough, don't fight to keep it or pick it up to re-install it. Sift through thoroughly in a determined, focused search for the lessons, blessings and those things that can be corrected and restored and let the rest of the garbage go!
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