How to Grow out of the Wilderness (book excerpt)

The man she thought was her fiance drove her to the doctor for her final examination after losing “Little Jay”. Derrick took her for lunch and a little talk when they left the doctor’s office. As they ate, he apologized for his lack of compassion and absence in the previous weeks. He told her that he had been dating one of her so-called friends and that he was sorry for hurting her. Derrick didn’t want her to hear it through the grapevine, so he told on himself. The truth was that he felt guilty as he watched Tonya suffer the loss of their child and her mother. He felt like crap when Tonya stood and threw her ice water in his face as she stormed out of the restaurant. He called after her as she walked out of the restaurant, leaving him talking to the back of her head as she walked away. He stood with tears in his eyes as he watched Tonya walk out of his life. She was determined not to allow another person to witness her having another melt down.Tonya walked from the restaurant to the church to pick up Malik. Crying all the way there, she was thinking of a way to leave the country. She chained smoked cigarettes until she smelled like a walking chimney. Entering the lower sanctuary of the church, she waited for the doorkeeper to call for Malik. Malik came running out to greet Tonya excited, and wanted to stay for bible study. Tonya, being exhausted mentally and physically; promised him that they would attend the following week, but Malik insisted. He demanded to stay; that was it and that was all. He walked away leaving Tonya talking to herself the same way she had just left Derrick standing alone in the restaurant. She sat down to gain her composure as she talked to the thin air that was beginning to choke her. As Tonya sat there she prayed for God to give her a sign. He didn’t just give her a sign; he gave her his promise.Where Tonya was sitting was in the first row of seats in the bible study class. Not only did bible study begin before she could leave, but there was a new Pastor. He and his wife came in like nothing Tonya had ever witnessed. They used computers, projection screens and were just as radical as Tonya. When the Pastor gave the scripture for the study that night, Tonya knew she was where she was supposed to be. (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)

No More

No more pretending that I'm not happy, when I really am.
No more pulling back from my many gifts, so that others won't feel intimidated.
No more allowing others to lessen the greatness in me, that God created.
No more pretending that, I don't see what I really see.
No more being pulled into energy cycles, that don't belong to me.
Never, did I go along to get along.
So, no more sitting in spaces; that I feel are wrong.
No more acceptance of passive aggressive, insulting criticism in the name of love.
No more allowing others to lessen the value of my gifts.
No more allowing my gifts in energy cycles, that don't belong to me.
No more acceptance of energy less than love, when the only energy I pour is love.
No more........................

Are you a Queen or are you a "Buzzard?"

In 1826 a Bro. named Alexander Dumas wrote in his memoirs that a man's mind is raised to the level of which the women that he associates with:
So if my sister lives her life thinking, drinking, sleeping, and laying just like a buzzard,
To what level of consciousness does this take my brother?
My brother can only see what I see, and that goes all the way down to my details,
But if my details are the details of a buzzard, then I the sister can only create a scavenger,
That's why just the other night my brother called you a buzzard.
He said like a thief in the night, you'll destroy a happy home,
When it boomerangs, you have the nerve to cry the woman scorned.
You'll take him away, and his game will grow stale,
and you'll be right back on the prowl,
That's why just the other night, my brother called you a buzzard.
I looked at my brother and said, "you know what",
every now and again my sister gets angry with me,
Because when she cries, I just can't blink an eye,
but tell me how do I sympathize with my sister,
when she cries over some other woman's man that she had,
Just the other night.
Even his baby's don't understand, why their daddy left,
Now their mother is mad, but she wanted me to feel bad,
Because now she's lying, in her own bed.
Wake up! just the other night, my brother called you a buzzard.
One day mother nature is going to call your body home,
So listen carefully:
the doctor just may tell you that your bottom must go,
Because you banged the walls away,
the oven God gave you to recreate,
YOU disrespect and YOU hate.
Do you even realize that this is tainted fruit you make?
GOD said, take it to the root, and destroy all the bad fruit,
WAKE UP!!! Just the other night my brother called you a buzzard,
He said he can't even bare to look at his TV screen, or casually walk down the street,
Why.....because he's looking at buzzards